Member-only story
Things My Kids Said on Christmas
by Tommy Paley
“Where is my cheese and crackers? I’ve asked 5 times!”
“Why is she looking at me?”
“I didn’t ask for butter and honey, only butter.”
“You love her more than me!”
“Can we, pretty please, have some ice cream?”
“Not brushing my teeth today and you can’t make me!”
“How much longer until dinner, I’m starving!”
“Why does she always get to choose the show?”
“Get your stinky feet out of my face!”
“Why didn’t you cut my crusts off!”
“Why don’t you cook food for lunch that I like, dad?”
“I am getting dressed!”
“You’re only putting us to bed early so you can have some time alone with mom without us.”
“Stop being sarcastic, dad!”
“I want dinner now!”
“I don’t care what you say, I’m not washing my hair tonight.”
“I can’t wait until I’m an adult so I can boss people around.”
“She pushed me first!”
“You’re the best dad in the world. I love you.”