Member-only story
Are You Saddled in Post-Holiday Malaise?
Here are Some Pick-Me-Ups!
2 min readJan 4, 2020
- You can wear your new “At Least You’re Not a Eunuch” t-shirt complements of your wife.
- Those extra pounds will give you extra acceleration next time you are rolling down a hill!
- Once you’ve decided to literally bathe in eggnog, you’ll never be tempted again.
- Your youngest daughter can’t hide behind the corner and jump out screaming “I’m a scary reindeer!” between 3 and 5 times a day for at least 10.5 more months.
- With all extended family gone home, you can resume complaining about the mayor.
- The rum that “wasn’t going to drink itself” was “poured out for my homie” on New Year’s Eve.
- Since all of the holiday treats have been eaten, the only temptation left on hand is the brief amount of euphoria you get from whiffing glue every third Friday evening.
- Your family will eventually forgive you for “spicing up” the Christmas dinner when you showed up dressed as a “VERY sexy Santa”.
- Your teenage daughter still loudly says “eww gross” every time anyone kisses, hugs or makes suggestive comments in a movie.
- All the pairs of socks you were given will finally allow you to stage the autobiographical sock puppet musical you’ve always wanted to write, direct and produce.