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A Few Random Questions I Demand Answers To!
by Tommy Paley
Would my family’s life be demonstrably better if we were a family of ducks?
Why is blending so satisfying on so many levels and why do my kids look so worried when I blend, unblinking, laughing loudly while saying “send me to a child therapist, will you”?
Where have all the good men gone and why didn’t they invite me?
Is my occasionally hugging the coat rack really a sign that “I’m unraveling at the seams?”
Why do people keep calling me George?
Is it okay if I make sure that when one door closes, the others also remain closed as I just hate drafts?
When can I stop reading between the lines as so instructed by my wife?
Have you seen my hat? And, as a follow up, have you seen my hair?
Is continuing to dress up as a banana day after day really “grounds for dismissal” and “concerning on many levels” and “significantly more phallic than our workplace can handle”?
How come no one cares that I actually witnessed an apple falling far from a tree?
Why is it okay for my next door neighbor to smoke like a chimney and not okay for me to impersonate a chimney for purposes I “prefer not to explain, officer”?